A Tribute to Mommy

Kali ini si gue pipilueun. Seabis ngebaca Blognya neng Tata disini, si gue jadi pingin juga nulis something bout my beloved mom. Well, she's gone (may God bless your soul in heaven Mom). It's been 10 years, two months and 1 day since she passed away. Sepuluh taun? Rasanya baru kemaren. Si gue masih bisa ngedenger my dad called that morning and sez "Ndy, Mamah udah nggak ada". I can still remember how crazy I was that day because I could not get a plane ticket to rushly go home to Bandung (Mr. Gatot and everyone at the hotel, thanks for your enormous effort to get me a ticket that day!). I can still remember not hearing any words Nino said to me on the way from the airport to our home (Nino, you're a trully good friend!). Si gue masih inget lantunan surat Yasin waktu gue nyampe rumah, can still feel my friends shaking my hands and give me hugs, I remember doing shalat jenazah, I can still see your smiling face Mom. Masih kedengeran suara sirine ambulance all the way to the graveyard. I remember the smell of the soil when we lower your body to the grave. I can still recall my sisters cried (Wieda, Anne, Thalia, sorry for not being a good brother). We were the last ones to leave the graveyard that sad evening. God, I miss you Mom.

Nyokap gue, she was a living example of what so called "perfection". She was always there for us, her children. The best cook I ever known (always made my friends ask me to "bring them home with me" just to have dinner). Nyokap gue, super woman yang rela ngelakuin hal-hal "super" during our hard days. Nyokap gue, yang gak pernah ngeluh sampe akhirnya ketauan punya kanker stadium 3 (Mom, why did you do that to yourself!). Nyokap gue, yang gak pernah bilang apa-apa soal sakitnya ngejalanin kemotherapy (yg menurut dokter sakitnya "beyond imagination"). Nyokap gue, yang selalu nyuruh gue balik lagi ke Jogja tiap-tiap akhir minggu gue sengaja pulang & nemenin di rumah sakit. Nyokap gue, yang bikin gue bangga karena sampe saat ini semua orang selalu inget semua kebaikan-kebaikannya. Nyokap gue, yang bikin orang-orang ikut merhatiin gue & my sisters karena "pingin bales kebaikan mamah kamu dulu ke kita-kita..". Nyokap gue, yang selalu jadi "bonding element" di keluarga gue. Nyokap gue, yang setelah kepergiannya keluarga gue jadi keilangan "bonding element itu (n jadi "sibuk" sendiri-sendiri). Mom, I wish you were here with the family.

Mom, will you ever be proud of me? Of what I've become? It's been difficult without you Mom. Dulu gue anggap pepatah "surga di bawah telapak kaki Ibu" cuma kiasan doang. But now I know Mom. It's been so much more difficult without you. Things are different. I remember everyday when I was going to werk you always said those simple sentences "Sok atuh dido'akeun ku Mamah sing lancar..". Such a simple words. But since you're gone, I know for sure that those words was "the magic words" that made everything was easy. Now things not as easier as it was Mom. Look at me. I'm 32 years old now. And I don't know which way to go. However, I fulfilled my promise to you Mom. I kept watch as Anne & Thalia grow. I helped them finish their study. I gave them the bless in their marriage. I did what you asked me to do Mom. I did it. But why do I still feel the pain? I'm here Mom, thousand miles from home, trying to do my life the way you always taught us. Will you ever be proud of me?

I don't know if I ever come back home Mom. What's home? Where's home? There's no such thing as "home" for me no more. I guess my part back there is over Mom. Your youngest daughter has been married and gave you a cute healthy grandson. So my part back there is over. Now I continue my journey. I want to explore the world Mom. You taught me not to fear to go anywhere, like you once did when you're young. So I go again. Only this time, I dunno if I'll be ever come back home. Anyway, what's home? Where's home? So I'll keep on searching Mom. I'll keep on searching, keep on moving till I find my "home". I promise Mom, I'll make you proud of me someday.

Dad, sorry for being such a notorious son. It's not about you. It was me.

Morale of the story:
Guys, kalo nyokap lo masih ada, please be kind to her. Jangan sia-siain anugerah Tuhan itu. Jangan terlambat sadar bahwa nyokap adalah hal penting yang harus selalu kita utamain. Jangan kehilangan kesempatan untuk ngebales apa yang yang udah nyokap kita lakuin buat kita (in fact, nggak mungkin akan pernah bisa kita bales). Jangan jadi gue, jiwa yang terkatung-katung.

My love to you Mom. May God always bless you in heaven.

Dedicated to the beloved Hj. Detty D. Garna (6/8/1943 - 18/9/1995)